Explore Quotations, Proverbs & Sayings
Welcome to the biggest collection of quotations, proverbs and sayings! If you are looking for a specific quotation, proverb or saying, check our universal database. We have collected over 150,000 inspirational quotations, funny quotations, movie quotations, famous proverbs and cute sayings that we would like to share with you. Find quotations, proverbs and sayings for any occasion and view them all for free.
Browse quotations by author, topic or keyword.
Browse Authors:
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
(Click a letter to view the authors)
Letter "J" » Jack Handy Quotes
(Click a letter to view the authors)
«If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).»
«If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs.»
«I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.»
«I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.»
«If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.»
«I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals»
«I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away»
«If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
back away, back off, buck, bucks, buck up, falling off, falls, fall away, horse, right away, Right Back, think back
«I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
decencies, decency, hospitality, luncheon, luncheons, potato, potato salad, pretending, run out, salad, throwing
«I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
buried, burying ground, Higher Ground, high style, hit, Indian, rack, racked, racking, racks, style, the rack, up on
Get access to over 800,000 college papers on the most popular topics for only $14.95/month.
Buy essay, term paper or research paper on the specific topic at a cheap price and get a discount!
Buy essay, term paper or research paper on the specific topic at a cheap price and get a discount!
