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Explore Quotations, Proverbs & Sayings

Welcome to the biggest collection of quotations, proverbs and sayings! If you are looking for a specific quotation, proverb or saying, check our universal database. We have collected over 150,000 inspirational quotations, funny quotations, movie quotations, famous proverbs and cute sayings that we would like to share with you. Find quotations, proverbs and sayings for any occasion and view them all for free.

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Letter "F" » Funny
«My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.»
Author: Ashleigh Brilliant (Author, Cartoonist) | About: Funny | Keywords: audience, complete
«My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.»
Author: Dame Edna Everage | About: Friends, Funny, Strangers
«My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.»
Author: Ellen DeGeneres (Actress, Comedian) | About: Funny | Keywords: Five Days, grandmother, grandmothers, miles, ninety-seven, ninety, seven, sixty, started
«My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.»
Author: Erma Bombeck | About: Funny | Keywords: bathroom, bathrooms, car, groceries, grocery, kids, perceived, The Car, unload, unloaded, unloading
«My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.»
Author: Eric Morecambe (Comedian) | About: Funny, Neighbors | Keywords: neighbour
«My favorite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail.»
Author: Steve Buscemi (Actor) | About: Acting, Funny, Movies, Sense of humor | Keywords: cinematic, junk, junk mail, mail
«My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance»
Author: Tim Allen (Actor, Comedian) | About: Funny | Keywords: lawn, maintenance, mom, vehicle
«My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.»
Author: Walter Matthau | About: Doctors, Funny, Living | Keywords: bill, billed, billing, doctor, gave, months, six, The Bill
«Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle»
Author: Heinrich Heine (Poet, Writer) | About: Funny, Wedding | Keywords: reminds, weddings
«My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.»
Author: Jerry Seinfeld (Actor, Comedian) | About: Comedy, Family, Funny, Law and lawyers, Parents | Keywords: Florida, sixty
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