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Explore Quotations, Proverbs & Sayings

Welcome to the biggest collection of quotations, proverbs and sayings! If you are looking for a specific quotation, proverb or saying, check our universal database. We have collected over 150,000 inspirational quotations, funny quotations, movie quotations, famous proverbs and cute sayings that we would like to share with you. Find quotations, proverbs and sayings for any occasion and view them all for free.

Browse quotations by author, topic or keyword.

QuotationsAuthorsTopicsKeywords
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Letter "F" » Funny
«Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night»
«Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.»
«Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.»
«Never accept a drink from a urologist.»
Author: Erma Bombeck | About: Funny | Keywords: urologist
«One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.»
«My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him.»
«Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.»
«One time, Bert and I were making out for so long it wasn't even funny..But then it was funny.»
Author: Gerard Way | About: Funny
«One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet»
«My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | About: Acting, Actor, Comedy, Funny | Keywords: actress, sister, trailer

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